


💜🗡

by Emmeline2019



Category: Carol (2015), Carol (2015) RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:14:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 45
Words: 11,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26296243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmeline2019/pseuds/Emmeline2019
Relationships: Carol Aird/Therese Belivet/Abby Gerhard
Comments: 108
Kudos: 47





	1. Mac The Knife

Dannie noticed his co worker, Therese, always wore long sleeves. Here it was 95 out and still she wore long sleeves and never rolled up. He thought to ask her why but his mother had ingrained in him better manners than to be a "nosy Nellie" thus he let it go.  
She was pleasant enough. When the office went for a pint on Friday evenings Therese came along, bending her elbow with the rest but barely drinking her pint.  
Therese mostly listened to the others, laughing at a joke but contributing nothing about herself.  
Dannie found himself attracted to such an enigma.  
One late Friday afternoon Dannie asked Therese out, on a date. At first Therese thought he was talking about the gang's usual get together after a busy week.  
No, Dannie said. "I'm asking if you would like to go out with me. On a date."  
Therese politely refused, hoping he wouldn't be offended. "I like you, Dannie, as a friend. I just don't date."  
"Uh, okay. No hard feelings, Therese."  
Not date, he thought? She's pretty in a petite sort of way. Like if a strong wind came along it would carry her off.  
Dannie contented himself with just her friendship especially since her behavior towards him had not altered after her polite refusal.  
Friday evenings at the pub with the office gang went on as usual with a quiet Therese downing a pint with her workmates.  
One Friday evening Therese begged off. "Can't tonight, Dannie. Got things to do."


	2. Chapter 2

Therese climbed the stairs to her studio apartment. Frankly it was more like a closet. The living area/bedroom had room only for a couch/bed and a small dresser. If she stretched out her arms she could touch both walls. The "kitchen" had a sink, 2 burner stove, no oven, mini fridge and some shelves for food. Off that was a bathroom, with no door with an old claw tub, toilet and sink with 50's plumbing.  
Not much but better than sleeping in her car which she had done for weeks when she left her mother's home. Home. Therese sighed. Tossing her coat on the dresser she sat on the couch. Friday night. Dannie and the gang were at the usual place having a beer, playing darts, laughing. Maybe she should have gone. Maybe she should.... Therese stood up taking a step to the kitchen. Opening the only drawer Therese pulled out the paring knife. Yes, she thought. I need to not think, not think as she took another few steps to the bathroom sink. Pushing her left sleeve up to her elbow Therese examined her arm. Old, white scars looked back at her. Therese ran her fingers over a few. Some, the older ones, were flattened. Newer ones were still raised. Therese rubbed the blade lightly over the inner part of her arm, the softest part. Her eyes closed, she took a deep breath. No, she thought, no, no. Silent tears wet her cheeks as the knife clattered in the sink.


	3. Chapter 3

Life hands us blows, even when we are safely guarded behind thick walls. Sadly it is what happens inside those walls that shape us.  
Therese had had more than her share of little horrors inside such walls. Therese tugged at her sleeve. Sighs came easily to her. Perhaps she was foolish to not have gone to O'Hanleys with the group. Grabbing her coat Therese locked her apartment door behind her making her way to join Dannie and the others. A cold beer might be just what she needed she thought.


	4. Chapter 4

"THERESE! YOU CAME",Dannie yelled over the revelers celebrating the end of the work week in the bar.  
Rushing up to her, with a pitcher of beer in his hand, Dannie pulled Therese along to their table.  
"Here", as Dannie poured Therese a mug of beer. "Drink up!"  
"HEY, PHIL", Dannie yelled to his brother shooting darts. "LOOK WHO CHANGED HER MIND?" Pointing to Therese.  
Phil waved at Therese, going back to his game.  
The after 5 crowd continued to pour through the door. Carol and Abby walked in with Abby making a beeline to the bar ordering two martini's and "keep 'em coming" while Carol got them a table in the corner.  
Abby brought the drinks with her, sipping hers on the way.  
"Ah, just what I needed" she said as she handed Carol hers.


	5. Chapter 5

Therese loved hearing everyone talk all around her even if she didn't actively participate. She sipped her beer slowly with Dannie chatting in her ear about how Phil was beating the pants off all comers at darts.  
As she took a sip she noticed a line of red seeping through her sleeve. She hoped no one noticed.  
"Dannie, be right back. Bathroom."  
"K, Therese", as Dannie guffawed at Phil's sound trouncing of another worthy opponent and ordered another pitcher of beer for the table.  
Therese made her way through the crowd hoping the ladies was empty.  
Pushing the door open she looked carefully around.  
No one in sight, good. Therese lifted her sleeve gingerly. The new cut was oozing. Pulling a paper towel off the roll Therese applied pressure to it. Just then the bathroom door banged open startling Therese. Looking up she saw blue eyes looking at her. "Oh, sorry, I...." That's when Carol noticed the blood. "Cut yourself? Here, let me h..." Therese withdrew her arm or tried to as Carol all ready had hold of it in hers and was applying another clean paper towel to it. "Apply pressure above, like this, darling" Carol's other hand did so, tenderly, as she quickly scanned the old scars. Carol knew immediately. All Therese knew was this blue eyed blonde used a term of endearment. Her conscious brain had stopped at that point thus allowing Carol to tend to her cut. As Carol got the bleeding stopped she introduced herself. "I'm Carol and you are?" Therese looked up stupidly. But the blue eyes looked in hers with such kindness. "Darling? Your name? You do have one?" "T..Therese", she stuttered. "Well, Therese, the bleeding is stopped and,"as Carol rummaged in her bag,"I believebI have a bandaid in here somewhere......there" as Carol applied a My Pony bandaid. Putting her head close to Therese's as she carefully pulled Therese's sleeve down, "Usually I kiss my daughter's boo boos" as Carol tenderly kissed Therese's forehead. "All better. Now", I really must pee." Therese watched mutely as Carol walked into the nearest stall.


	6. Chapter 6

Therese sat in the waiting room of the ER awaiting her turn to be seen.  
The pain of living had been too much for her these past months but this time Therese cut a little too deep and couldn't stop the bleeding.  
A nurse had wrapped gauze around her arm, instructed her to hold her arm up and apply pressure. She would be seen when the other more urgent cases were seen to first.  
Time ticked slowly by. EMT'S wheeled in patients who requiring urgent care./> Therese waited patiently, silently.  
A young woman in scrubs called out,"Someone with the first name Theresa? Theresa?" as she scanned the waiting patients.  
"Therese! It's Therese" as Therese stood up in response to her name being called out. "Follow me, Therese. We have a bed for you." Therese followed the young woman to a curtained off bed, B25. Someone stepped in, took her information, checked her vitals and walked out. The ED hummed all around her. Suddenly the curtain parted, a short haired brunette in dark blue scrubs walked in. "I'm Dr. Gerhard, Therese. I hear you have a nasty cut. Mind if I have a look?" "I'll try to be as gentle as I can, okay?" Therese nodded. Abby examined the still bleeding cut. Sge noted the many white scars that populated her arm.. Looking up at Therese she noted the fear in the young woman's eyes. "Therese, did you mean to cut so deep?" Therese shook her head no. "This is going to need to be cleaned and stitched and you'll need a tetanus shot. Will you tell me what you used? Was it clean?" Therese told her it was a paring knife. "Okay. I'll write a script for an antibiotic also. And, Therese? After I tend to this I want you to speak to someone. A friend of mine. I believe you when you say you didn't mean to cut so deep but we need to get you some help, okay?" Therese started to cry. Abby's heart melted. Usually Abby was the ultimate cool, detached professional but something about this young woman.....Abby reached over, grabbed a tissue and dabbed Therese's face. "There, there. Don't cry." Abby found herself hoping Carol was still on duty and had time, make time, to see her patient. Looking up as she bandaged Therese's arm she saw the prettiest emerald eyes looking back at her. What a heart breaker this young woman would be, thought Abby. I wonder if she's.....Abby shook her head at such thoughts.


	7. Chapter 7

Therese sat, waiting. Her arm had been stitched up, bandaged, tetanus shot given, one does of antibiotics and a script to fill.  
She wanted to go home, such as it was.  
The curtain parted and a familiar pair of blues eyes met hers.  
"Therese, I'm Carol. Mind if I sit and we chat a little?"  
Therese meekly said "sure".  
Unlike Abby, Carol wore street clothes except for a hospital name tag. White long sleeved blouse, tucked in, black slacks, black flats on her feet.  
Carol pushed back her hair. " Have we met before?" Carol searched her memory. "The ladies room, at the bar. Right?"  
Therese nodded yes.  
"I put a bandaid on a cut of yours."  
Sitting back Carol openly said, "You've cut yourself again only deeper this time. That must have scared you."  
Therese started to cry.  
Carol couldn't help enfolding Therese in her arms to comfort her.  
" There, there, darling. We'll work it out together, okay?" Today is Saturday. How about you see me in my office Monday? Do you work?"   
Therese managed to sniffle out yes.  
"How about 6 p.m.? Will that work for you?"   
Therese shook her head yes.  
"Good. 4th floor, first room. I'll ask Dr. Gerhard to give you something to calm you. In the meantime, Therese, promise me no more cutting, okay? Here".  
She handed Therese her card. "Call if, anytime, if you feel like cutting. Day or night".  
Still holding Therese, Carol said, without thinking,"We'll figure this out, my darling."


	8. Chapter 8

Abby kissed her way up Carol's body causing Carol's toes to curl in delight.  
When Abby's lips touched hers Carol murmured,"Darling, you know how to please a girl".  
Abby responded by forcing Carol's mouth open with hers.  
Later, as Abby spooned a satisfied Carol, Abby again approached Carol about marrying her.  
She gave her all the reasons. They like each other, are sexually compatible, best friends, what more could Carol want?  
"Love, Abby, love".  
Abby rolled over on her back. "Love, schmove. Most of our friends had love and few are still together."  
Carol sighed. "I want passion, not just a great orgasm."  
Abby laughed. "I am good, aren't I?"  
Carol turned to face Abby. "Yes, you are, darling. How about another toe curling "make me scream" orgasm before I leave?"


	9. Chapter 9

Saturday was easy to get through because of the sedative Abby had given Therese.  
Sunday was hell.  
Hell with a capital H.  
Therese stood over the bsthroom sink, gripping the edge of the sink so hard her knuckles were white.  
She wanted to cut. The paring knife called to her. She had to stop all the thoughts inside her head. Cutting helped her do that.  
She turned her head to look at the drawer.  
Only 3 steps she thought. Three tiny steps and I can.....Therese groaned in pain.

Meanwhile......

Carol found herself occupied with thoughts of Therese. Those emerald eyes that held such sadness.   
Would Therese show for her appointment? Carol shook her head. Probably not.  
Suddenly her phone rang. She didn't recognize the number. Usually she wouldn't pick up if she didn't but something made her decide to.

"Carol Aird here"   
A tiny voice whimpered, "I want to cut myself".  
Immediately Carol knew who it was. Her patient with the emerald eyes. "Therese? Is that you? Where are you?"  
"Home", Therese replied.  
"Give me your address, darling and hold on till I get there, please?"  
Therese started to cry.  
"Therese, listen, darling. You called because you don't want to cut. Let me help you. Please, darling".  
Therese managed to give Carol her address.  
Phone in hand Carol asked Therese to not hang up. "Keep talking, Therese or listen to me talk."  
She wanted to keep Therese on the line, away from other thoughts. Carol hoped she wouldn't be pulled over for talking on her cell phone while driving.  
Twenty minutes later Carol pulled up in front of a row of yellow and brown apartment buildings. Therese had said hers was the second one in from the road, up the left flight of stairs and first door on the left.  
Carol exited her car quickly and swiftly went up the few stairs. All the while she was talking to Therese.  
Once outside her door Carol said, "I'm here, darling. Open the door, please."  
Slowly the door opened to reveal an emotionally exhausted Therese on the other side.  
"Therese, may I come in?"  
Closing the door behind her Carol entered the tiniest apartment she had ever seen but she made sure to hide her surprise.  
Carol pocketed her phone and took Therese's phone from her hand.   
Therese collapsed in Carol's arms.  
Carol held her close as Therese sobbed, "sorry, sorry".  
"My poor darling, you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm glad you called me. Somehow we'll figure this out but now we have to get you safe."  
Carol sat Therese on the only thing to sit on, the sofa and found her way to the bathroom, grabbing a face cloth and wetting it. She tried not to judge the tiny apartment Therese lived in.  
Coming back to Therese she gently wiped her face.  
"Therese, you're going to have to trust me, darling. I know it's a lot to ask right now".  
Carol's sky blue eyes searched Therese's. She couldn't lose this one. Losing Gen to the same monster almost killed Carol and, now, Therese.   
Carol bundled up Therese and drove her to admitting at the hospital.   
Carol gave instructions to the charge nurse that Ms. Belivet was to have a SIT 24 by 7 and no sharp instruments in her room. All cutlery was to be accounted for.  
Then Carol wrote out an order for Xanax.  
"Yes, Dr. Aird" was the charge nurses reply as Carol left the ward in thought.

As Carol walked to her car she phoned Abby.  
"Carol! Miss me?" Abby laughed.  
"I'm coming over, Abby. Turn down the sheets."


	10. Chapter 10

Four hours later, in Abby's bed and arms, Abby asked,"Want to tell me about her?"  
Carol sighed. "No, I don't. Shut up and fuck me again, lover".


	11. Chapter 11

The following morning found Carol still in Abby's bed. Carol always found comfort in Abby's arms. Sex became kind of a narcotic for Carol. It helped keep the wolves at bay. Had Carol not had Abby she would have engaged in meaningless one night stands. Carol loved Abby as a friend, a friend with benefits but she was not in love with Abby though Abby was head over heels in love with Carol.  
Abby was a pragmatist, accepting what Carol could, and wanted to give Abby. Abby knew about Gen. Gen loomed large in unspoken terms between them. But Carol was not one to reveal her heart to anyone. Her body, yes. She used her body as camoflauge to hide her heart from prying eyes, to keep her secrets there, her sorrows, even her joy. Abby was aware from the first time she bedded Carol that Carol would only allow Abby to possess her body but not her heart. That Carol guarded.


	12. Chapter 12

Carol arrived on the ward before the night shift clocked out. She wanted to get report from the nurse who attended Therese.  
Once she had done so she went to Therese's room.  
Carol knocked on the door as she opened it, asking, "May I come in?" The young PCA looked towards Carol and smiled. Carol motioned for the girl to leave the room.  
Therese lay sleeping.> Carol sat in the now vacated chair her thoughts taking her back to another time and place, another bedside she had kept watch over. Another knock on the door and a breakfast trsy was brought in. Once the door was again closed Carol called softly,"Therese." Emerald eyes fluttered open. Therese's lips formed a soft smile on seeing Carol. Therese sat up, the sheet and blanket falling away. "How are you feeling? "Tired", Therese responded. "Do you mind if I take a look at your arm?" Very carefully Carol uncovered the cut on Therese's arm. Sitting on the side of the bed Carol said she'd like Therese to stay in the hospital for a few days to monitor her meds. Therese started to cry. "I can't. I'll lose my job,I....." "Therese, if we don't help you, darling, I'm afraid you'll lose your life. Now I would like you to volunteer to stay if not I can mandate you do and I'd rather not." Therese sobbed even more. Carol took Therese in her arms. "We'll figure this out, sweetheart, I promise. I won't lose you". Carol soothed Therese till she quieted. After she predcribed a mild sedative to get Therese through the day till she met with her at 6 o'clock.


	13. Chapter 13

Abby was adamant. "You can't do this again, Carol. This is Gen all over again with you. You're too involved all ready".  
"I have to, Abby. I just have to".  
Abby shrugged. "There's no talking sense to you."  
"Abby, Gen died because I didn't help her. I didn't realize the depth of her pain. I wasn't there for her when she needed me. I was too involved with med school. Had I been there that night I wouldn't have come home to find her in our bed, bled out from cutting herself over and over."  
Carol's blue eyes were clouded with anguish.  
Abby knew how deep Carol's guilt weighed on her. At times like this there was only one way to distract her from the pain she felt.  
Abby brought Carol to her bed. Wordlessly she made love to Carol till all thought vanished from Carol's conscious mind and only her body reacted. Abby was able to reach a part of Carol no one else saw or knew anymore. When she was done, and as Abby kissed Carol tenderly, Carol's fingers traced Abby's lips and she whispered to Abby, "Why are you so good to me?"  
Abby sadly smiled. "Because I'm in love with you."


	14. Chapter 14

"Where's Dr. Aird?" Abby asked looking around.  
One of the nurses spoke up. "Didn't you hear? She took a leave of absence".  
Abby's jaw fell open as she thought what the fuck? Pulling out her cell phone she pressed Carol on her list. It went to voice mail. Abby left a terse, but concise message,"Call me!" Then palmed her phone while internally fuming.  
Something told Abby to check on Therese.  
Going to the unit Therese was a patient on she found the room empty.   
"Where's the patient who was in this room?", she asked the ward clerk.  
"Miss Belivet?"  
"Yes"  
"She was discharged earlier this morning".  
"Who discharged her?"  
"Dr. Aird".


	15. Chapter 15

"Do we have all your things, Therese? Leave anything behind?"  
Therese shook her head no.  
"Why are you doing this, Dr. Aird?"  
"Carol, call me Carol."  
Carol sat Therese down before she answered. "Because, sweetheart, you matter. Your life matters and I'm going to help you regain yourself".  
Therese cocked her head, thoughtfully. "But...but why me?"  
Carol sighed. "I care, that's why you. Now, let's get you settled in." Carol had asked her mother to remove all the sharp objects from her home. Anything one might use to harm oneself. She had her box them up and take them to her house. All she asked of Therese was to tell Carol, day or night, whenever she felt the urge to cut and the two of them would talk it out. At no time was Therese to feel ashamed of her thoughts. "Just tell it like it is, sweetheart, that's all I ask".


	16. Chapter 16

Over the years Carol had researched all she could find about those who self injure. No one reason seemed paramount.  
What did stand out were two things. It appeared to the victim this was pain they could control when actually it was not since it soon took on a life of its own.  
Then there was the lack of self, a self hatred almost that the victim could not control. Carol had seen this in Gen but thought it was just the blues, a bad day, she would get over it thus she went about her own life believing it was just a phase, not something deeper. She lost Gen to this monster of self loathing. She was not about to lose Therese to it. Abby had called, questioning was Carol nuts? Taking a leave for a girl she barely knew? Carol corrected Abby saying Therese was the same age as Gen when she died and, no, she wasn't nuts. "Are you", Abby paused. "Are you in love with her?" This was the first time Carol had to face the question. Was she in love with this emerald eyed young woman? "Carol, she's not Gen", Abby protested. "I know she's not and, no,I'm not in love with Therese but if I don't care who will, Abby?" Abby knew further argument was useless. Carol confided to Abby that Therese literally had no one in the world. Carol was determined to be that someone. Still, Abby wondered.


	17. Chapter 17

Carol kept Therese close to her both day and night. Wherever Carol went, Therese went. Even at night Carol slept in the same room though not the same bed. Carol had moved Rindy's single bed into the guest room making sure it was nearest the doorway whilst Therese slept in the double bed. The only time Therese was alone was when she showered and even then Carol insisted the door stay open. Patients have a way of finding avenues to achieve self injury and Carol wasn't going to let such an opportunity arise.  
Patient, thought Carol. I don't think of her that way. Carol started to question how she did think of Therese but was at a loss to define it to herself.  
Carol took Therese on long walks, long drives, to the mall to window shop though Carol always insisted on Therese buying some item of clothing she showed a liking to. Carol noticed how little Therese possessed. Carol always paid, of course, whipping out her charge card.  
"But I can't pay you back".  
"I didn't ask you to. Besides, the jeans and top look lovely on you. You can wear them when we take our walk".  
Therese held the package close to her.   
Over time Therese let certain things "dtop" about her upbringing. Carol listened mostly without asking questions. She didn't want Therese to feel she was being interrogated. So Carol was patient letting Therese reveal herself at her own speed.  
One evening they were watching a popular TV show, Law and Order SVU when suddenly Therese ran from the room.  
Carol turned off the TV and followed immediately to the kitchen where Therese had instinctively gone.  
Therese clutched the edge of the sink, knuckle white, trembling.  
"Therese?" asked Carol. "Tell me what you are thinking.  
Silence. Therese was shaking more violently and Carol could see tears streaming down her face.  
Up till now the only time Carol had touched Therese was to bandage her cut or to examine it.  
Carol approached closer.  
'Therese." Touching her shoulder, Carol softly said, "Sweetheart" as she gently removed Therese's iron grip on the sinks edge, turning Therese so she could hold her in her arms while Therese cried. In a very small voice Therese mumbled,"I want to cut so badly".  
Carol asked why she needed to cut. Was it what she saw on TV?   
Therese nodded yes.  
Carol lifted Therese's face to look into her eyes. "Darling, did that happen to you, also?"  
Therese nodded yes while she trembled even more violently.  
"My poor darling".  
Carol held Therese, not letting her go, walking her to the couch. Carol reclined, bringing Therese with her, pulling the afghan over them.   
For hours Carol heard Therese tell for the first time about Therese's childhood. The floodgates had finally opened with Carol's patience.   
Both exhausted, they fell asleep, with Therese in Carol's arms. When Therese moved, Carol moved with her. It was instinctive.


	18. Chapter 18

Around midnight Carol awoke. Therese lay enfolded in her arms still.  
For many minutes Carol lay, without moving, noting how peavefully Therese slept in her arms.  
Very softly she woke Therese.  
Upon seeing Carol as she woke Therese brought her fingers to Carol's cheek and for the longest time just looked at Carol. Carol found herself getting lost in Therese's eyes, those emerald orbs.   
Without a word spoken Therese drew Carol's face to hers and softly, innocently placed her lips on Carol's whispering,"I love you. I love you."


	19. Chapter 19

Carol hesitated, using her hand to push Therese's hair off her forehead, giving her time to think.  
She knew how she felt, had felt for some time but was it right to tell Therese? Perhaps Therese was just grateful and confusing that with love.  
Once again Therese's lips found hers but more insistently this time.  
"Therese...", Carol stammered.  
"Don't you want me?"  
"Therese...".  
"Do you hate me?" a frightened Therese asked.  
"How could I hate you, sweetheart."  
Therese teared up.  
Carol let her heart speak this time,"Therese, don't you know I love you?"


	20. Chapter 20

Carol needed to redirect Therese's attention.  
And her own.  
It would be so easy, thought Carol, to just take what she desired just now. Perhaps revealing herself emotionally Therese now thought....Carol had Abby for that. Good old Abby.  
"Therese, let's get you in a comfortable bed. You need a good night's sleep."  
Therese seemed disappointed yet she unentangled herself from Carol.  
Once Therese was safely in bed and asleep, though it was very late Carol called her mother to come and stay with Therese. Carol's mother never asked questions and shortly she arrived at Carol's.  
"If she wakens, mom, just tell her I had a call from the hospital. I should be back before dawn."  
Carol's mom cocked an eyebrow and with a wry, knowing smile said, "You always go to Abby, honey."  
Carol stopped at the doorway, hanging her head at her mother's insight.  
Carol's mom spoke again. "Carol, why don't you just marry Abby instead of always running to her bed?"  
Carol's mother watched Carol's body language.  
"Abby's been in love with you for years, Carol."  
"I'm not in love with Abby, mom".  
"Yet you go to her bed in the middle of the night.  
"Carol. I know you like a book, honey. You need to get on with life. Gen wasn't your fault. And this one?" Cocking her head to indicate Therese. " Is she your new Gen?"  
Carol closed the door behind her.


	21. Chapter 21

Carol let herself into Abby's with her key.  
Immediately she knew this was a bad idea.  
She heard a voice, a woman's voice and not Abby's, giggling.  
Carol's eyes widened when she heard Abby's voice say somethibg unintelligible ro whomever the other woman was. Then she heard Abby say, "Be right back, lover. Hold my place", and the other woman giggle again.  
Carol stood transfixed to the spot. Voyeurism was not in Carol's genes, it was just Carol stunned at these new events.  
Abby walked out of the room tying the belt of her robe. It was then she noticed Carol.  
"Carol, what are you doing here?"  
Carol stammered."I thought....I just thought".  
Carol looked stupidly at Abby.  
"You thought what? Good old Abby would wait around forever? "  
"No, I mean....".  
Just then a very naked young woman appeared in the doorway whose body was visible evidence of Abby's attention.  
The tousled haired beauty purred to Abby."Come back to bed, baby. I'm lonely without you."  
That's when she noticed Carol. "Oh, hi Dr. Aird".  
Carol finallt found her tongue. "Vivian". Carol recognized one of the nurses at the hospital.  
Vivian walked up in back of Abby, placing her arms around her from behind. "Come back to bed, lover", she cooed.  
Abby's face brightened at Vivian's dulcet tones.  
"Let me get the champange, Viv. I'm just escorting Carol out. I'll be there shortly."  
Carol watched Vivian walk away but as she entered the bedroom's doorway Vivian turned and mouthed to Carol,"She's mine now" and winked.  
"I think it best you leave the key, Carol" as she extended her hand, palm up to accept it. "Vivian has need of it."  
Carol gave over the key.  
"I'm sorry, Abby."  
"So am I, Carol. So am I. Now go to your new Gen and give her what you never gave me."


	22. Chapter 22

"Back so soon, Carol?", her mother asked.  
Carol just nodded yes.  
"Well, I'm going home", as she patted her daughter's arm and gave her a peck on the cheek.

Carol was now alone in the house with Therese. She found herself mentally exhausted. Bypassing Therese's room she went to her own, undressed and got under the sheets. Sleep finally over took her.


	23. Chapter 23

Carol slept in that morning letting Therese to fend for herself.  
Therese wondered if perhaps she had revealed too much. Add to that she remembered kissing Carol and telling Carol she loved her.  
Omg, she thought, that's it.  
Yet Carol said she loved her, too.

Maybe I should just pack up and go, she thought, but go to where? She had given up her apartment, taken a medical leave at work, she had a few dollars but not enough to rent a motel room. Dannie and Phil were work mates, drinking buddies but not the kind of friends you bunk with.

I ruined it all, thought Therese. Just like I always do.  
She found herself rummaging through the kitchen drawers looking for something sharp.  
I fucked up, was her thought. Royally. I have to....Just then she spied a pencil, tucked away at the very end of the drawer.  
Therese felt an adrenalin rush at her find.  
She held it, transfixed, like it was some golden treasure. A rare find.  
Ah, this will do was her thought.  
Therese hadn't heard Carol enter the room. She had been watching Therese for some minutes, waiting to see if Therese would call out for her. But Therese seemed oblivious to everything but the sharpened pencil in her hand.  
Therese held out her arm and just as she was about to, Carol closed the distance between them, reaching over to remove the pencil from Therese's hand.  
"Sweetheart"  
Therese looked up at Carol, a blankness to her eyes. As Carol took the pencil Therese collapsed in Carol's waiting arms. She had fainted dead away.  
Being petite Therese barely weighed over 100 lbs thus it was easy for Carol to lift and carry her to the couch.  
Carol retrieved a cold cloth from the bathroom to help bring Therese around.  
Minutes went by before Therese regained consciousness.  
"Sweetheart", Carol said. "You were doing so well. What brought this episode on? Can you tell me?"  
Therese just stared.  
"Was it because you told me you love me?"  
Therese closed her eyes. It was too much to bear.  
"Therese....darling....I told you I love you, also. Loving someone isn't wrong, Therese. In fact I'm thrilled you told me."  
"Was it maybe the other things? Your stepfather? Carol tread lightly.  
Therese nodded yes.  
"Darling, it wasn't right he touched you. Nor was it fair your mother brought him to live in her house even after she promised to protect you."  
Therese started to cry.  
"My poor darling." Carol wiped the tears from Therese's face and brought her up to hold her.  
No, she thought, none of it was fair. Therese had one dress to wear her senior year of school. A $2 pair of shoes she bought herself with money she earned baby sitting. Her mother finding her daughter jobs, after school, to keep Therese out of the house, accusing her of seducing her husband. Therese had gone from a straight A student to barely a B minus because she was so tired.  
The rage from her mother, the beatings she endured. All of that and more was why Therese used cutting to distract her from the emotional pain.  
"My poor darling", Carol murmurred. "I love you, Therese, just as you are but, please darling, come to me first before you get so you need to cut."  
Carol released Therese. Kissing her on the forehead she said,"Be right back."  
Returning she went to the kitchen, brought Therese a glass of water and handed her a sedative to take.  
Once she had done so Carol told Therese she wanted her to rest for a while.  
"Come with me, sweetheart."  
Her arm around Therese's waist Carol walked past the guest room to her own.  
"Come, sweetheart, we'll rest awhile and watch Lucy reruns, okay?"  
"Go on, get into bed."  
Therese did so, starting to feel groggy.  
Carol kept her robe on as she crawled in the other side.  
Therese was still in her pajamas.  
Using the remote she turned on the tv.  
She put her arm around Therese and drew her to lean against her, using her other hand to hold Therese's.  
Carol kissed Therese's hair. She brought Therese's hand to her lips and kissed it. Carol found she wanted to do more but now was not the time.  
Sighing heavily, Carol settled in with Therese to watch I Love Lucy.


	24. Chapter 24

Both women fell asleep watching tv, Therese in Carol's arms.  
When Therese awoke her head lay on Carol's breast with Carol's arms still around her, holding her close. As Carol slept her robe had slipped open exposing her.  
Therese thought Carol was not only the kindest, most patient loving person she had ever met but also the most beautiful.  
She found herself lightly tracing Carol's exposed breast with her right hand. Carol moved slightly in her sleep. Therese stilled her hand. Carol shifted again in her sleep.  
"Ummm, that feels good" a dreaming Carol cooed.  
Some minutes later a sleeping Carol awoke. Stretching her arms above her head Carol brought one hand to tousle Therese's hair. "I'm just an old sleepy head" as she smiled at Therese. "Feeling better, sweetheart?"  
"Yes".  
"I'm famished", said Carol as her stomach rumbled. "How about you fix us lunch, hmmm? A sandwich will do."  
"You want me to fix lunch?"  
"Yes, silly, YOU! And let's eat in bed".  
As Carol said that she realized her robe was wide open.  
"Oh, sorry", as Carol went to close her robe.  
Therese stopped Carol's hand. "No, don't. I want to see you."  
Carol's face took on a serious tone. "Therese, I.."  
"I want to see you, Carol".  
"Darling, this isn't a good idea,I...."  
Carol was cut off by Therese's lips meeting hers.


	25. Chapter 25

Therese was bewildered.   
Carol had told her she loved her. Isn't this what you do when you love someone?  
Carol tried to explain, without rejecting Therese, that love does not equate to being sexual. Besides, Therese needed to get stronger, both physically and mentally.  
"Darling, nothing will change between us." As she comforted Therese. Carol knew part of Therese getting well was knowing she was loved, unconditionally. Carol, for many reasons, had that to give to her patients, though, Therese was more than a patient to Carol from the start. Yet it was Carol who set the boundaries.  
Carol realized Therese misidentified love and kindness shown her with sex and that she also craved being loved.  
Holding Therese close Carol did her best to explain so Therese wouldn't feel rejected.  
To herself, Carol knew in many ways Therese was very much like Gen was. Both wounded, both loved and desired by Carol.


	26. Chapter 26

Carol wanted Therese to not misidentify loving someone with sex. She believed Therese was ready to participate in talk therapy with someone outside of herself.  
Whilst Therese was in the shower Carol phined a colleague of hers, Florence, whom she trusted. Would Florence take Therese on as a patient as a professional courtesy to Carol?  
Florence said she would but it would have to be outside of her office hours and, understanding a bit about the young woman, she thought it best she come to her home for her sessions at 7 p.m. Mondays and Fridays.  
Carol was not to be in attendance.  
"But, Flo!"Carol protested.  
"No buts, Carol. It has to be this way."  
Carol sighed, said "all right".  
Now to tell Therese she thought.   
Carol also knew she had to begin to create some distance between doctor and patient and soon.  
She knew she was falling in llove with Therese just like she had with Gen. If Therese kissed her once more Carol knew she would find herself returning her kiss with passion and then what?  
She shook her head. Damn Abby. She had to go and get a lover.  
Carol needed something for her headache but it was in the bathroom.   
Maybe if I do it quickly I can get what I need and get back out.  
Carol opened the bathroom door slowly. Therese was still in the shower. Good she thought. Opening the medicine cabinet she retrieved the bottle of pills and was opening it when Therese slid the shower door open as she turned the water off.  
Carol turned at the sound.   
"Carol?"  
Carol dropped the open bottle of pills to the tile floor. Her mouth fell open. Before her was a veritable Venus wet with ocean dew and innocent in all her natural glory.  
Carol just stared.  
"Carol?"  
"I ...I...." Carol stammered. Didn't matter now since the pills were all over the tile floor.  
Carol knelt down to gather them up. In so doing, Therese had stepped out, onto the tile floor and lovingly ran her fingers through Carol's blonde hair. Carol looked up into those emerald eyes that looked into hers with such longing.  
Carol stood up, turned around to leave as Therese said her name once more and added,"I love you, Carol".  
Stopping in the doorway, with head lowered,"I love you, also, Therese but now is not the right time. When you're well enough, then, maybe."


	27. Chapter 27

Carol had to speak to someone about her feelings.  
Her mother never interfered in Carol's personal life though she did say to Carol, one time, "You're a fool not to make a life with Abby. That woman adores you Carol and you...you use her like a whore!"  
"MOTHER! I do not!" Carol was shocked to hear those patrician lips use such a word.  
"Didn't Abby ask for your hand in marriage? I would have grandchildren by now. Abby has great child bearing hips."  
Carol had lost Abby by her own doing. She had not been mindful of Abby's heart, only of her body.  
Carol phoned her mother while Therese dressed.


	28. Chapter 28

Needless to say Carol's mother did not mince words with her daughter.  
"What did you expect. Carol? Therese is your way of doing penamce for not being there for Gen.:  
Carol winced at the truth. She realized Therese was her way of making amends. Yet Therese had quickly become more than just penance to Carol. Her headache was getting worse. Could her mother come take Therese while Carol laid down? "Take Therese out shopping for clothes? She has so little." as she handed her mother her charge card. Carol explained to Therese she had a headache but her mother would take her clothes shopping.  
Once Carol saw them off she went back to her room to lay down.  
The pounding in her head didn't help sleep to come easily. When blessed sleep finally came Carol started to dream.


	29. Chapter 29

Carol's unconscious longing brought her dreamstate back to a time when Gen and her were in their honeymoon stage. Every word, every look, every movement, every breath was magnified through the eyes of love. She found herself once again in Gen's arms, her raven haired beauty, whose silvery laughter filled her world once again.


	30. Chapter 30

Thetese drove herself to her therapy sessions. When she returned to Carol's she was oddly quiet and pensive.  
Carol did not pry thoigh she so badly wanted to.  
Since the night Carol had slept in her own bed she no longer slept in the guest room in the other single bed. Not only was Therese regaining her emotional strength but Carol was beginnig to put distance between the two of them.  
Two and a half months had now gone by and Carol wanted to resume her workload at the hospital. Yet, she did not want Therese to feel abandoned or stay alone all day.  
Carol broached the subject one afternoon.  
"How do you feel about going back to work, Therese?"  
Therese hesitated. "I want to but I really don't want to go back to my old job. I'd, well, I'd like to work in a hospital but," she sighed,"I'm not a nurse or doctor".  
"Sweetheart, there are lots of other jobs available and many come with training. Why don't we go online and you fill out an application? And then when you're ready you can get a place of your own again."  
When Carol uttered that last part she knew she had made a mistake.  
Immediately Therese saddened though she said nothing.  
Carol was at a loss how to correct it. Instead she suggested she help Therese with her application.  
In a sarcastic tone Therese said she could do it herself.  
As Therese walked away to do so Carol noted Therese's slumped shoulders.  
Damn, she thought, she probably thinks I'm kicking her out.  
The rest of the afternoon Therese and Carol barely spoke. Dinner was tense.  
Therese said she would clean the dishes and wanted to go to bed early.  
"Okay, sweetheart", Carol said.  
Without turning around at the sink Therese asked if Carol would refer to her by her given name only.  
Carol's heart sank.  
She knew it was important for Therese to not rely on her as much, to begin to lead her own life once again but she knew Therese had been hurt by Carol's innocent comment about a place of her own.  
Carol held back a sad sigh. "As you wish, darl...Therese."


	31. Chapter 31

Carol didn't know how to undo the damage done. She knew what her mother would say. "What did you expect would happen?" is what mom would say thought Carol.  
She found herself picking up her mobile to call Abby.  
Abby picked up right away.  
"Well, this is a surprise, Carol. What's up?"  
Carol explained all that had happened and Therese's reaction.   
"Gee, Carol, I'm not sure what to tell you. She's awfully young and came with issues . You did the right thing by getting her into therapy and distancing yourself, as you say, by suggesting she get a job and think about moving out. After all, you're not her keeper."  
Just then Carol heard in the background a woman's voice.  
"Look, Carol, I gotta go. Girl friend needs my attention if you know what I mean."  
Then Abby snickered," Sorry you no longer get that kind of attention from me?".  
"Don't be mean, Abby", Carol responded "and thanks for at least listening".  
When the call ended Carol sat there, rubbing her brow thinking Gen, Abby, Therese. How had it all become such a mess and how to fix it?   
Sitting in the dark wasn't helping any. Carol decided a shower and a good nights sleep was what she needed. They both needed, she thought. Perhaps, come morning, things would settle down.


	32. Chapter 32

Carol lay in bed unable to sleep. The shower had eased her physical tension but did little to quiet her mind.  
The house was still.  
In the quiet Carol heard a noise. She sat up. She heard sobbing. Therese! Carol quickly went to Therese's bedside and laying beside her took Therese's trembling form into her arms to soothe her. "Shhhh, sweetheart, don't cry so. Shhh". Softly kissing Therese's brow, pushing back her hair, Carol held Therese's face in her hands. "My beautiful girl", as Carol studied Therese's eyes. "Please don't sob so, darling. Whatever it is we'll make it better. I promise." Therese sniffled. Her tear stained face rested on Carol's chest. "Please don't go", Therese whispered. "Sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere", as Carol drew the covers up over the two of them. "Now sleep. We both need sleep, darling".


	33. Chapter 33

Carol awoke, pre dawn, to Therese still in her arms. Why does this feel so right, thought Carol, as if we had done so a thousand nights before?  
She pushed back some of Therese's hair, the better to view her sleeping face.  
She's lovely was her thought. Even lovelier are those green eyes of hers. "My emerald darling", whispered Carol.  
Therese moved slightly in Carol's arms. Slowly her eyes opened. Carol found herself looking into the deepest pools of emotion, naked before her.  
Without a word Therese traced Carol's lips with her own, asking wordlessly.  
Carol responded without thinking, allowing her body to lead her where she desired to go.  
Therese deepened her kiss. Carol held Therese to her even closer.  
Suddenly Therese pulled back slightly, looking at Carol.  
"Is there a problem, darling?"  
Therese shook her head "no" and proceeded to begin to unbutton Carol's pajama top saying,"I want to see you".  
Carol's heart raced in anticipation as Therese undid each button and, when done, gently pushed her top open.  
"You're beautiful, Carol", as she gently touched Carol's breasts.  
Carol sighed deeply at her touch.  
They had now stepped over a boundary. Would they, could they turn back?  
Therese turned her attention to Carol's pajama bottoms and proceeded to slip them off Carol.  
Carol shivered. Not at the coolness, no, but at what was to come.  
"Darling,I....."  
"Shhh, don't speak", as Therese lightly traced the outline of Carol's body.  
"Therese....."  
Therese removed her nightgown, tossing it to the carpet.  
As she laid back down she told Carol all she wanted, right now, was to be as close to Carol as possible. "Hold me", Therese whispered, " Please don't let go, ever."  
Therese laid with her head on the pillow, next to Carol, in Carol's arms, her fingers tracing Carol's lips. She found herself touch her lips to Carol's briefly. When she did so Carol let out a soft moan.  
Therese whispered the most gentle phrases Carol had ever heard a lover say to another.   
Carol moved onto her back bringing Therese with her.  
Neither wanted this moment to end.  
They laid like that, softly exchanging kisses and sighs till the sun was high in the sky and sleep once again came upon them.


	34. Chapter 34

A line had been crossed that night. Both women knew that.  
Thus, when Therese awoke she found herself still in Carol's arms with her head laying across Carol's breasts.br /> Therese could jear the steady beat of Carol's heart. She wondered....did it beat for her? Could it beat just for her? Her eyes followed her fingers as she explored Carol's sleeping form. Like little whispers her fingers danced over Carol's body till they reached her lips and there they rested. /> Carol wakened at the feathery touch. Her blue eyes met Therese's emerald eyes. Carol's lips pursed in a gentle kiss on Therese's fingers that lingered upon her lips. "Morning, darling", a now awake Carol spoke. "Good morning, beautiful", Therese replied. "Darling....."  
Therese placed her hands on either side of Carol's face.  
"Therese....."  
"Shhhh".  
Carol soon found Therese's lips on hers, insistant, wanting, taking, not asking, compelling Carol to respond with the same desire Therese had for Carol.


	35. Chapter 35

Both women, for surely Therese was an adult who knew her own mind, both women knew a barrier had been breached.   
Carol no longer slept alone. Her bed, which seemed so cavernous before, was now a refuge for both women.   
Often it was Therese initiating intimacy which, oddly, didn't always culminate in sex and that puzzled Carol. Carol had been used to a rather randy sex life. Either Abby, who used to be available whenever Carol felt the need, which was daily or some nameless hospital employee who was enamored with Carol and more than willing to satiate her sexual appetite.  
Carol never recalled their name.   
Wasn't? Carol gave it thought. Wasn't Abby's lover???? Oh, yes, Carol suddenly remembered that one. No wonder she was so smug that night she walked in on the two of them.   
But Therese was different somehow.   
As she lay in bed, Therese's arms around her neck, her green eyes speaking volumes while her lips lightly grazed Carol's every now and then, there was a virginal innocence about Therese.  
Like Carol had discovered a rare orchid the world had never seen before that only bloomed when the moon was full and in between made one wait expectantly for the full aromatc flower to bloom.  
That was Therese.   
Carol found waiting had value. Kisses were deeper. Sexual intimacy was more erotic, in fact highly erotic in those moments as they both broke the nights silence.  
While Therese's lips caressed her own she would murmur "I love you" to Carol.   
Carol's heart quickened at such words.  
Therese had found work at the hospital, in one of the clinics as an administrative support associate.   
Carol had returned to work but found herself always waiting for her return home to Therese's waiting arms since Carol's day was longer than Therese's.  
Oddly, there was no more talk of Therese finding her own place. They had morphed into a couple's routine unknowingly.  
Therese still attended therapy with Florence but only once weekly now. Though Carol was alwats on guard. Therese had not been "tested" and recovery is a difficult road. People do back slide.  
So many things had changed, and for the better yet Carol's need for sex never waned. For her it affirmed she was desirable, wanted, adored. Carol liked being lusted after and bedded. Abby had deftly served that need. Carol loved a fire cracker in bed at all times thus she felt her mind beginning to wander and to wonder.


	36. Chapter 36

Six months had gone by and Therese and Carol were definitely a couple, as they say.  
Abby had her voluptuous redhead to bed who, by the way, made sure to let the ER staff aware that Abby was hers. Vivian would often walk up behind Abby, in the breakroom, place her arms around her neck and coo in Abdy's ear, so others could over hear, "your bed or mine tonight, lover" and then walk away swinging her hips while Abby openly salivated. Between the two couples the hospital was abuzz with gossip about them. Many a staff member who had been Carol's one night stand nursed a grudge against Carol but none more vehement than Vivian. When word got around Carol had a new flame, Vivian seized the opportunity to move in on Abby. Not that she didn't like Abby, she did. Abby was a decent fuck and nice company but she didn't love Abby. She loved Carol and she knew she meant nothing to Carol so what better way to get back at Carol than to screw with her best friend, in more ways than one. She would wind Abby around her little finger by using her sexual wiles, making Abby fall in love with her and taking her away from Carol, forever. In fact, Vivian was willing to go so far as starting a family with Abby. All she had to do was maneuver Abby into proposing to her. She was doing everything in her power to achieve that goal. Besides. Vivian wanted babies and wanted a good providor and Abby would be just that. Vivian chuckled to herself. Abby was quickly succumbing to Vivian introducing new and fun ways to arouse one sexually. She would make Abby her sex slave, panting after her. She all ready was. Vivian could see it in her eyes and how Abby's hands roamed over her body at every opportunity, even at work. Vengence is a dish best served up with sex thought Vivian as she strolled down the hallway in her tight uniform that left little to the imagination.


	37. Chapter 37

Carol had been called to the ER to see a new admission.   
Typing up her notes at the nursing station Carol was oblivious to Vivian walking up behind her to reach for a patient chart.  
Though Vivian could have walked around Carol she chose to reach over Carol's head instead. In so doing, Vivian's full breasts were flush against Carol's back.  
"Excuse me, Dr. Aird", Vivian purred.  
Vivian lingered pushed up against her longer than necessary. Carol instinctively reacted to female breasts pressing against her. Vivian felt, and saw on Carol's face, the animal lust.  
Without missing a beat, Vivian whispered "medical record room".   
Carol nodded yes.  
Almost unconsciously, as if in a dream, Carol followed Vivian, wordlessly, ignoring the hub bub around her.  
As Vivian opened the door to the medical record room she grabbed Carol's hand, bringing her inside while closing the door with her other hand.  
Carol pushed Vivian up against the wall, kissing her hard while her hands freed Vivian's breasts from her bra, exposing them for Carol to squeeze.  
Carol parted Vivian's legs with her thigh, applying pressure enough to arouse both herself and Vivian at the same time.  
Carol always was a fantastic lover. Vivian had always wanted more than just one night with Carol and now she had that, once again.  
Carol's mouth traveled to Vivian's neck, finding a sweet spot using her mouth to nip and suck while Vivian's body trembled with heightened arousal.  
When Carol's fingers slipped inside her and Carol's lips sucked away on her neck leaving visible cupid marks, Vivian's orgasm wracked her body and she moaned Carol's name.  
Carol was mindless. Only sex drove Carol at this moment. It didn't matter who it was, only that it was a willing woman who wanted and submitted to a sex starved Carol.  
Carol was relentless in her love making. Holding an orgasmic Vivian up with one hand while her mouth sucked and bit her nipples and her fingers entered her over and over. Carol came from the sheer joy of the sexual frenzy she evoked in another.  
Both women's hearts were beating hard, their faces flushed.  
Vivian leaned against Carol she was so weakened from her orgasms.   
They locked eyes. Vivian's eyes betrayed how in love she was with Carol all this time. Carol's eyes only betrayed Carol's lust for sex and nothing more.  
Without saying a word, Carol left the room leaving Vivian alone.  
Vivian put her head in her hands and burst into tears. "Damn, her", she thought. "Damn her".


	38. Chapter 38

Carol retreated to her office, closing the door behind her and locking it.  
"Oh my god, what have I done?"  
Slumping in her chair she started to sob.  
"I fucked up. Shit, I fucked up"  
Thoughts of Therese finding out frightened   
Carol. With her head in her hands all she could think of was Vivian weaponizing her indescretion causing Therese to both start to self injure and leave her. In this moment Carol realized how deeply in love she was with Therese even though she was so much younger.  
Carol pulled out her cell phone and called her mother. She told her everything. Her mother listened in silence till Carol was finished.  
"Carol, dear," her mother said firmly,"Therese must never find out. Not because you might lose her if she does but because the betrayal would definitely cause her to start to self injure once again. Like most addictions, dear, addicts, when they start up again, usually over dose. In this case she might cut more and deeper."  
Immediately Gen came to Carol's mind.  
"I can't lose her, mom. I can't", Carol sobbed.  
Carol's mom reassured her she wouldn't.  
"But, dear," said Carol's mother harshly," it would serve you right if you did lose that young woman. Now, let me call Stu. Your father's name still has some sway at the hospital and I intend to use it."


	39. Chapter 39

Carol's mother wasn't happy at all with her daughter, not at all.  
She strode to her daughter's office after her meeting with Stewart McDonough, the head of the hospital.  
Closing the door behind her she glared at Carol.  
Carol shivered at the look. Her mother could still instill fear in her even though she was the "adored Dr. Aird" to the staff.  
"Carol, I want to make it clear I will never again use your father's reputation to cover for you. Stu will handle the nurse in question so she never speaks a word of your indiscretion. Your young lover will never know of it unless you tell her. You say you can't lose her? WELL FIX IT!".  
Without a further word Carol's mother turned and left.  
Laying her head on her arms on the desk she started to cry. Tears rolled down her cheeks whether out of relief or sadness she didn't know.


	40. Chapter 40

Carol avoided Abby for the rest of her shift.  
Vivian was nowhere to be found.  
Without notice the nursing supervisor reassigned Vivian to the med surg unit using the excuse the ward was understaffed and her "talents" were needed elsewhere.  
As Vivian proceeded to take the elevator she was intercepted by McDonough's secratary who escorted her to a private office where Stu waited.  
We will never know what was said. We do know Vivian saw the "handwriting on the wall" and acted accordingly. She acceptrd her new assignment without protest. If Abby found out it was not going to be from her. Her lips were sealed. Abby was oblivious to everything and, as the ED was busy, didn't notice Vivian's absence. Ignorance really is bliss for some. Carol, meanwhile, made her way home heavy hearted. What to tell, how much to reveal and how not to lose Therese nor send Therese over the deep end so she cut again. Pulling into the driveway Carol sighed deeply. She was not a religious woman yet now she prayed to the God of her youth asking not just for guidance but also forgivrness for her sins. If God got her out of this mess she swore she would let Therese know every day of her life how much in love she is with her and how Therese has given her life new meaning. Stepping inside the front hallway Carol called out for Therese. "Darling?"


	41. Chapter 41

Therese appeared on hearing her name called, running to greet Carol with a kiss.  
She stopped short.  
Taking Carol's face in her hands, noting Carol's usually sky blue eyes were clouded with...was it sadness or fear? Therese couldn't figure out from looking so she said, "Somethings wrong."  
Carol looked at Therese with a vacant sadness.  
"Are you ill? Omg, you are!"  
Carol shook her head no.  
"What?"  
Carol started to feel faint.  
"Darling, I need to sit down."  
"Sure, sure ba...." As Therese felt Carol trembling.  
She placed her arm around Carol's waist as support, her hand holding Carol's elbow, ushering her to the couch.  
"Please tell me what's wrong. Please", Therese pleaded. "I love you. Whatever it is we'll deal with it together. I love you, Carol, I do." As Therese held Carol in her arms, stroking her back, feeling Carol shaking.  
Again Therese asked if Carol was ill. Carol shook her head no.  
Sniffling Carol mumbled,"not physically".  
Therese thought for a moment.  
Not physically?" Carol proceeded to tell Therese things Therese all ready had heard gossip about. How Carol was quite the womanizer, that Abby had been Carol's "ace in the hole" so to speak, that Abby allowed it because everyone knew Abby was in love with Dr. Aird, hell, who wouldn't be in love with the adored Dr. Aird many spoke. One gal even joked she hoped one day to be a notch on Dr. Aird's bedpost but, "shhhhh, don't tell my husband". Therese had heard all that around the office water cooler early on as a warning. Little did they know Therese all ready shared Carol's bed. Carol told Therese about Gen. Gen, her first real love. Gen who cut like Therese did and when Carol neglected her cut too deep one day and.....Carol started to sob. Therese's heart broke for Carol. Over and over Therese stroked and held Carol to her, telling her everything was okay, she understood, "I love you". Then Carol spoke the unspeakable......


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was unhappy with the ending on this chapter. I turned it over in my mind all day, thinking, how do I string words together to better explain.  
> I'm much more pleased with the new ending to the chapter, not the story, the chapter.  
> Please reread.

Therese spoke first, in soothing terms.  
"I all ready know about the other women", Therese said quietly. "What's done is done. What matters is us, now. Not what happened before."  
Carol started to speak," But....."  
"Shhhh, no buts. I'm not perfect. I cut. Yet you love me". Therese shrugged,"So you're not perfect either."  
Kissing Carol's hand Therese lifted Carol's face to tell her,"I love you, Carol."  
"But I need to tell you something and I'm afraid I'll lose you".  
"Carol,I love you, got that? Unless you tell me to go I'm not going anywhere. Now what is it? I hate seeing you upset and fearful. Please, love."  
Carol caressed Therese's face."How did you get to be so grown up?"  
Therese smiled. "I love you."  
Carol continued to caress Therese's face. "Darling. Kiss me, please", she begged.  
Therese didn't need to be asked a second time. Her arms encircled Carol as she tenderly placed her lips to her loves. She could taste the salt from Carol's tears as their lips sought the others. With their foreheads touching Therese whispered,"Please tell me. I promise I won't leave you". Carol hesitated. "I....I...". Therese waited. "I...". Therese gently kissed Carol. "Just say it." Carol took a deep breath. "I'll lose you". "No, you won't". Carol pulled away from Therese, turning her head away from Therese to avert her eyes. "Our sex life has been lacking lately", Carol's voice started to falter," and, well, um" Therese waited in silence. "I, well, I...you know" Carol hoped Therese would fill in the blanks, making it easier for her. Carol looked at Therese, pleading with her eyes for reprieve. Carol finallt blurted out "I had a lapse in morals at work today", proceeding to burst into tears, her hands covering her face. "You hate me", she blubbered. Therese was stunned by this admission. All she could say was "oh", her hands now in her lap. She was eerily quiet as Carol sobbed her heart out. After many minutes Therese removed Carol's hands from her face, asking softly,"why" why did you?"


	43. Chapter 43

Carol really didn't have an answer except to say she likes sex, always has and Therese had been....but she stopped not wanting to fault Therese.  
"Oh", Therese uttered. Her hand covering Carol's trembling hand, "I've been neglecting you in that department, is that it?  
Carol started to sob again.  
"I'm sorry, so sorry".  
Therese grabbed a tissue to wipe Carol's face.  
In a soft voice, without judgement, she adked, "Why didn't you tell me?"  
Therese drew a sobbing Carol in her arms to hold her close.  
"You hate me",wailed Carol.  
"No, I don't hate you. I love you. I don't like what you did. But", and Therese shrugged,"I seemed to be the one initiating intimacy lately so I thought, well, you know, that maybe you lost interest".  
Cupping Carol's chin to hold her head so she could see in her eyes, Therese asked,"But why couldn't you tell me what you needed?"  
Carol sniffled an "I don't know".  
"I do love you but", Therese was serious,"if you intend to have sex outside our relationship that's not something I can accept. If it's a one time thing, and I don't want to know her name. Wait." Therese paused. "It was a woman, right?"  
Carol mouthed a "yes".  
Therese wiped Carol's tear stained face.  
"You must be exhausted. Go shower. I made dinner. We'll eat and then go to bed, ok? I know I'm exhausted. No more talk tonight, okay?"  
Carol nodded.  
Therese stood up, taking Carol by the hand and with arms around each others waist escorted her to the bathroom.  
Kissing Carol on the cheek she told her to take her time that she had her dinner kept warm.  
"I love you, babe and I know you love me. We'll get through this."


	44. Chapter 44

Therese got out the two plates from the oven and uncovered them, placing one in front of Carol.  
Carol slid into the chair opposite Therese unable to look Therese fully in the face. She felt shamed by her earlier actions. Though Therese said she lovrd her could their love be enough to surmount her moral failing?  
Eating in silence Therese looked over at Carol. Carol looked pale, almost ashen. She reached over, placing her hand over Carol's free jand and squeezed.  
Carol started to tear up.  
Therese rose from her seat, standing next to Carol, drawing her to her to hold her close.  
Her heart broke for Carol's remorse. Carol was more upset ay her own behavior than Therese was.  
Without a word Therese led Carol to their bed.  
Wordlessly Therese undid Carol's robe, pushing it off her shoulders. Turning down the covers she motioned for Carol to lay down.  
Therese undressed while Carol watched with the saddest blue eyes she had ever seen.  
Slipping into bef beside Carol, she pulled the covers up around them and drew Carol to her.  
They lay like that, arms around eavh other, breath intermingled, silent, until sleep overtook them.


	45. Chapter 45

Carol woke as the sun streamed through the opened curtains to find Therese was no longer abed.  
Slipping on her robe she padded silently in bare feet to the kitchen. Therese was oblivious to Carol's entry as her back was to her as she stood at the kitchen counter.  
As Carol proceeded to silently walk towards her, Therese opened the drawer next to her and pulled out a small knife.  
Instinctively Carol shouted,"NO, DARLING, NO! as she ran up behind Therese, grabbing the hand holding the knife.  
Therese turned her head, startled and then smiled saying, "Mind if I slice up my banana?"  
That's when Carol saw the bowl of cereal to which Therese was going to add the banana she had in her other hand.  
"OMG! Darling, I thought"  
Therese put down both the knife and banana, turned around and putting her arms around Carol, kissed her softly. "I know what you thought and it's okay."  
Carol took a deep breath. "I was so scared".  
Therese placed her hand inside Carol's robe, over her heart.  
"I can tell".  
"Carol?"  
Carol clung to Therese. "Yes, darling".  
"Let me take you to bed."  
"I'm not tired, darling".  
Therese caressed Carol's breast.  
"Neither am I. Let me rephrase it. I want to bed you not go to bed", chuckled Therese.  
"Ohhhh....ummm, what about work?"  
Therese let her hand travel down Carol's front.  
"Oh, we have time for an orgasm or two", as she slipped her hand between Carol's legs.  
An hour later they were back in the kitchen eating breakfast and chatting away.. Carol approached the subject that stood between them. Or, in her mind, did stand between them. Therese put down her spoon, folded her hands and taking on a serious mien, said, "look, do I like what you did? No! I told you it's not acceptable. But you're beating yourself up enough for the two of us. Do we need to talk? Yes but not right this minute. We both need to be honest with each other in expressing our needs whatever they are. Maybe you need to talk to someone, like I do." Therese shrugged. She reached across the table to take Carol's hand in hers. "You're mine and I'm yours and that's that."


End file.
